C-

Grading or assessing my students is one of my greatest challenges as a teacher.  Other teachers and people around me often ask how my students are performing, and I often have a hard time giving an answer. I’ve given about three tests in each of my classes and I’ve gotten mixed results. Last Friday I probably had the best scores I’ve seen, but I also think I made the test a little easier. I worry about the students’ low scores. Did they really not understand? Am I bad teacher? Was the test fair? And then there is the language barrier. They learn in English, but speak and see the world around them in local languages. I often wonder how they would do if I tested them in Nyanja. Would their comprehension and creativity show up more in a local language? In the end, I don’t care what language they speak; I just want them to competent, creative, thinking individuals.

Last week, I had a conversation with the headmaster about testing in Zambia. In order to pass into junior secondary school you must pass a test in Grade 7, then to move on to senior secondary school you must pass a test in Grade 9, and then finally to receive your secondary school diploma you must pass exams in Grade 12. I’ve seen some of the past exams and they are intense. There are essay after essay question in English and I worry about my Grade 6 and Grade 8 classes taking their exams next year. Many students end up repeating grades when they don’t pass these exams. I found this out when I looked at the birthdays of my 8^th graders and they were a lot older than I thought. I talked with the headmaster about the school I had the honor to work at last year, Wingra School, who has a creative, progressive education philosophy that does not include grades or tests. Working at Wingra taught me to think about the subjectivity of cutthroat tests. I was always frustrated as a student when an assessment didn’t give me the opportunity to show what I did know and study. Maybe I didn’t know certain questions on the test, but I knew answers to other questions that weren’t even asked. I think a good assessment lets the student show off and use what they learned. I’m choosing to test my students every week, but my main motive is to give them incentive to work hard and give them as many exercises to practice what they’ve learned as possible. Without a copying machine and worksheets at my disposal, a test I can write on the chalkboard is a great practice tool.

In contrast, I had a random thought this weekend about a fictitious or maybe very real test called, YAV Year in Zambia. If I had to give myself a grade for how well I am doing this year, I would have to say C-, with many homework assignments that could only deserve a big, fat F. (That means FAIL!) I would give myself a below average score on how I am doing in Zambia. I’m honestly having a harder time adjusting than I thought. For someone used to getting A’s, these feeling of failure really get me down.  I’ve noticed that many times in life when something is challenging or tragic the hardest part is accepting that this challenge is here and real. I spend a lot more time freaking out that I’m freaking out than dealing with problem.

After I thought about grading myself as YAV, I finally realized that that is exactly the grade I should be giving myself. I think if I had given myself and A+, I would be completely arrogant and blind to cultural interactions. If you think you are good at being out of your comfort zone, then you’ve probably never been out of your comfort zone. If I was awesome at this, I don’t think I would really perceive any of the radical differences-- from dress, food, discipline/child supervision styles, worship styles, language, gender roles, and privilege—all around me. If I didn’t see these things and wonder about, feel hurt, and love each in different ways, I wouldn’t be in the state transformation I am in, and I certainly wouldn’t be respecting others.

At YAV orientation, we talked a lot about how hard this year would be and how failure was part of journey. Two months later, I finally get it. I’m not supposed to be good at this, at least not in the terms of assessment I normally apply to myself. I need to assess myself in a new way, a more compassionate, graceful way that lets me fail. I need a new test. I need a new system. As my system of assessment for myself breaks around me, I wonder what other assessments I have about the world will shatter by the end of this year.